Amazingness!!!

Amazingness...

Well I decided to sit on a bench tonight and stare up to the sky. When I sat down it was mostly dark, but it was light enough that only one star was out. Way in the distance black clouds were moving in. I enjoyed watching lightning off it what seemed like a long way. I watched as the clouds over took mount meeker (a HUGE mountain close to the camp). As the lightning got closer my star friend soon disappeared too... Now the whole sky is covered in thunderclouds! MMMmmm... So pretty in its own way!!!!

Dancing with my Love

Do you ever dance with God?
Take hold of his hands
Feel his warmth and yours
Sway to the songs
The songs of Love

It is just You and Me God
You are my first Love
I return to you
A danced with you first
And I will dance with you last

When the dance is done
I do not want to let you go
Yet the next song starts to play
It is a faster one
You still hold on to me

You never let go of me
Even when i push you away
You are waiting for me to come back
You never abandoned me

I want to feel your touch
I desire to be in your presents
How you love me Lord!
May I dance every day with you!

Yes I dance with God!

Learning to walk

"Put one foot in font of the other... One step at a time...”

Learning to trust again is not easy! One moment you are standing strong and the next you find your face in the mud! You feel like a fool; a fool who is trying with all there might to learn to walk again.

Pain will rush in with the smallest prick. Your wall that is up is not strong to withstand what the world has to through at it. When you are already plugging other pricks with every finger you have, that last prick causes you to accidentally remove all your fingers, sending a rush of pain in. The wall did not stop it.

Understanding and knowing that God has the healing power to help teach you to walk again. To stand strong against the world! To take it head on! He also will remove the cheaply made wall you create and let you hide in the protection of his hands. There you are under the protection of the King!

I am his princess he dearly loves. I can dance in the fields of flowers and know that I am protected! I can be care free in his presents! When he sees me I will run in to his arms and embarrass him! He will take my hand and twirl me. My Father loves me! He will guild me through all of life!




“And even the very hairs of you head are all numbered” ~Matthew 10:30

Life Update

That story is really bothering me... So I am going to write a life update to get my mind of that story... When time is right I will be able to put the words on paper... Even if it is another 10 months...

Okay Life update!

As of monday May 17 China fell through... It was kinda coming! I would have loved to be in China, but that is not where God wanted me. I think he was trying to teach me a James 4 life lesson! I was a little a lot worried about summer working, but God toke care of me literally right away.

I was hired no more then 3 days later. I will be spending my summer in the mountains as a registration assistant. I leave thursday! I am so looking forward to it! i am a little sad tho... I am leaving my best friends behind in Grand Junction. I know that they will have fun with out me and when I see them again it will be even SWEETER!!! :)

So anyways there you go... Update updated! :)

So I have had this story in my journal for a long time and I have not been sure how to put it to words. This is a true story and has touched me deeply... I may try different forms of writing it until I really like it... It just is one of those times that I am not even sure to begin to write it... I do not know if I should write in in first person, poetry form, or as a story from and outside perspective... I might in the end do all 3, but for now I will write it form my POV...


Gosh I have restarted this story already... AAAA I do not know where to start!!! I know I want to embellish the story more... I wish I was good with words! Okay.... this is frustrating me... I will walk away and try again later...

Walking Away

This is an old one... Hope you enjoy...


You walk me to my door
Hug and Kiss me
Say “I love you”
Then turn and walk away

I watched you walking way
You did not glance back
I watched you ‘till I could not see you
You did not even turn for a last glance

You said you loved me
But what does that me to you?
You have a person to claim?
Is that really love?

Did you know me?
Did you care?
Did you love me?
Is this all I deserve?

I kept my lips sealed with my thoughts
Was that fair to you?
I did not let you past my wall
I was afraid

I watched you walking way
You did not glance back
I watched you ‘till I could not see you
You did not even turn for a last glance

Seasons

What beautiful days recently! It is amazing how the splendor of winter graceful bows out to let spring dance some. It is such a cool thing how all the seasons have there time and place... I have been thinking about the part in Ecclesiastes about seasons of life:

"There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under heaven:
a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain,
a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak
a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.”

~Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

This is SO relevant to my my life! It is so amazing how the seasons can change so quickly! When you are out of the season it seems like a distant memory for another life time. God is so good!

Wait for Me

Wait for Me
By Rebecca St.James

Darling did you know that I
I dream about you
Waiting for the look in your eyes
When we meet for the first time
Darling did you know that I
I pray about you
Praying that you will hold on
And keep your loving eyes only for me

Cause, I am waiting for
Praying for you darling
Wait for me too
Wait for me as I wait for you
Cause, I am waiting for
Praying for you darling
Wait for me too
Wait for me as I wait for you
Darling wait
Darling wait

Darling did you know I dream about life together
Knowing it will be forever
I'll be yours and you'll be mine
And darling when I say
Till death do us part
I'll mean it with all of my heart
Now and always faithful to you

Cause, I am waiting for
Praying for you darling
Wait for me too
Wait for me as I wait for you
Cause, I am waiting for
Praying for you darling
Wait for me too
Wait for me as I wait for you
Darling wait
Darling wait

Now I know you may have made mistakes
But there's forgiveness and a second chance
So wait for me
Darling wait for me
Wait for me
wait for me

Cause, I am waiting for
Praying for you darling
Wait for me too
Wait for me as I wait for you

Holding On

Okay time for another old one I wrote...

Holding on

I stare up in to your eyes
They are beautiful to me
Your love and affection is visible
I see it in your eyes
Warmth and joy fill me
You blink
I hold my breath
Hoping to see the love again
I sigh
True love is present...


I stand small against the billowing mountains
I stare at its magnificence
The sun's rays warm me
I lose myself in wonder
You are next to me
You smile when my eyes cross yours
My heart leaps
You reach for my hand
And squeeze...


I slowly walk up the stars
Dragging my feet behind me
You greet me at the door
Your arms are wide open
I am swept off my feet
I take a deep breath
Your smell fills me
I let myself go in your arms
Thoughts are lost
I drift away...


I sit on the floor
Balled as tight as I can
Warm tears stream down my cheeks
Pain rips, tears, stabs at my heart
My body trembles
Deep sobs make my stomach sick
I feel your hand on me
You dry my tears
You hold me
Cradle me like a baby
And do not let go
Whisper to me
It is okay
Peace surrounds me...



You hold on
You do not give in
You are patient
Your love is there when all else fails
You love me as I am
You truly care unconditionally
You stand strong next to me
You fight for me
I rely on you to the end
I need you
And you know that
Thank you!


For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing, will be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
~Romans 8:38-39

Quote

"Life is too short to wake up with regrets. So love the people who treat you right. Love the ones who don't just because you can. Believe everything happens for a reason. If you get a second chance, grab it with both hands. If it changes your life, let it. Forgive quickly. God never said life would be easy. He just promised it would be worth it.”

~Unknown

New day

The air after a storm is always freshest
It is beautiful when the sun peaks through the clouds
The world around starts to sing
The rain has come and washed all the bad away.

Everything is still standing
Stronger, deeper, firmer
More beautiful then before

It is a new day!
Thank God it is!

China Update

Well China seems to be coming together! Praise God! I keep praying that if this is God’s will everything will work out. It seems to be! We have talked about my project I will be doing. I will be doing a waste minimization audit. Keep praying that it keeps coming together!

Back to homework! I wanted to leave a quick update!

Smile

I can see through you smile.
I can see deep in to your eyes
I can see the pain your hiding
The pain that has punctured your heart

Your smile is a wall
A wall you will not let people past
You want people to think you are okay
If they see a smile they will not question

That did not fool me
Your eyes show a heart that is broken
Tears are not enough
The pain is deep

Hope does not seem like enough
Faith does not seem sturdy
Love... Love does not exists

Let go...
Your pain will not quickly leave
There is faith and hope for you
Love... God’s love is still there

One day your smile will be real
One day you eyes will shine
One day you will look back
Knowing these days brought you to where you are now

Shoes to Fill

“You have large shoes to fill!”
“Walk in their shoes!”
“If I was in your shoes...”
On and on...

Each foot is different
Yours might be larger
But mine are wider
Yours might have walked there
But mine have swam there

Why should I have to fill your shoes?
Why can’t I where my own?

Each foot is unique
So is the shoe that goes with it
The shoe were molded a certain way

When we swap shoes it is uncomfortable
It is not the way it is meant to be

My shoes will take me one directions
It is not a bad thing!
Yours came from a different direction
It was a good thing!

Your shoes can keep going that way
My shoes are going this way

Our paths might cross
They might travel together
Or go different ways
But the different paths create the Art work of life!

I am going to keep my shoes on
And fill only my shoes!
Your shoes are great!
But your much better at wearing them!

James 4:13-17

Now Listen, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and making money.” Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Instead, you ought to say, “If it is the Lord’s will we will live and do this or that.” As it is you boast and brag. All such boasting is evil. Anyone, then, who knows the good he ought to do and doesn’t do it, sins.

James 4:13-17

GOOD MORNING!!!!

Well today I helped serve breakfast at the homeless shelter in town. I always do enjoy it. Waking up when it is dark and my car is frozen shut, then picking up Seth and today Chanelle and Hannah, and driving to the shelter. We walk in and are the first in the kitchen (most of the time, today not so much). I am always tired until I start running around doing stuff. Everything is of course made in bulk. We make more eggs, pancakes, potatoes, and whatever else then I have probably seen in my life time. Today we used 18 cups of pancake mix and 12 1/4 cups of water to make the pancakes and we ran out of pan cakes (good thing it was a side today). I love the bonding part of cooking. What makes me sad is seeing the people. I know they are there for a reason but sometimes I wish they could find a way to not be homeless. And the kids... That is the worst for me. I pray that they will be able to find a way out.

Well now I am at work, listening to one of my most favorite songs ever! Give Us Clean Hands by Kutless. My favorite part is “Give us clean hands, Give us pure hearts, Let us not lift our soles to another... Oh God let us be a Generation that seeks, seeks your face of God of Jacob.” Such a good song! This is kind of a prayer for my life....

Well I better start homework!

God,

Why do you seem so far sometimes. I know you are holding my heart and you love me so much, but I wish you could come hug me! Hold me like a father holds his kid who fell and skinned her knee. I want to scream up at you! Can’t you see that there is a world down here that is falling apart?!?! Where are you father! Why could you let people die that never had a chance! I know there is reasons for all this, but God I want to have answers! Are you there in Africa where the Mother is holding there dead child that died so young from AIDs? Where were you in Hattie? What about here in the US? Where where you when my heart broke? I know in my mind you are here, but why can’t my heart see it! I know you promised you would never leave of forsake your people, but sometimes I just am not sure!

Love your Child,

Susan

Susan, Susan, Susan,

MY precious child, have you forgotten I am right there with you? Have you forgotten when your heart breaks mine does too? I love you, so much I sent my son to save you! I have never left the world! I will NEVER leave the world! Have you forgotten who I am? I created you! I love you and my creation SO much! Trust me my child! I cannot promise and easy road, but I promise you that when you have faith in me I will get you through it all! I love you!

Love God Almighty

Late nigh after Serfs (need I say anymore?)

School is keeping me on my toes... Not really in a bad way! It is late after serfs but I wanted to write something. So far this semester I have been really blessed with some amazing friends! God is really good! He really gives us what we need. I have also been praying for a strong focus on God. He have given me a deep desire to search more in to the bible to answer some tough biblical questions I have. He is teaching me to rely in him to get me through questions. Sometimes they are pretty frustrating! Well that is how God works!

Random frustration~ I am rather frustrated with learning to be patient.... AAAAAaaaaaaa! I am 21 and you think I would know how to be patient! SEE I am even impatient to be patient!!! YA!!!! I am pretty good!!!!

I am rather tired so I am going to call it a night!

History Starts Now!!!!

WOW!!! This semester is at a full sprint already!!!

God does funny things. He speaks to me in ways I don’t even understand. I just got done with a dinner at the Cook’s home. Lois is a lady from my church who I have been meeting with for awhile and she really is just being a strong women mentor for me. I am blessed to have her in my live. Anyways after dinner we (Lois, her husband Jim, and I) were talking about life and we talked about all that is happening in Haiti. When I got in to my car this is the song that was on the radio! WOW!!! God you are amazing!!! So I am honestly crying again over all this right now. I am listening to the song again! God please be with these people of Haiti! This rips my heart apart!!!

Chris Tomlin - I Will Rise
From the album Hello Love

There's a peace I've come to know
Though my heart and flesh may fail
There's an anchor for my soul
I can say, "it is well"

Jesus has overcome
And the grave is overwhelmed
The victory is won
He is risen from the dead

Chorus:
I will rise when He calls my name
No more sorrow, no more pain
I will rise on eagles' wings
Before my God, fall on my knees
And rise
I will rise

There's a day that's drawing near
When this darkness breaks to light
And the shadows disappear
And my faith shall be my eyes

And I hear the voice of many angels sing, "worthy is the Lamb"
And I hear the cry of every longing heart, "worthy is the Lamb"

So it is like 2 in the morning and I do not have my spanish done... AAAAA! This is crazy!! It is easy but it is taking FOREVER! Anyways it is due tomorrow at midnight, so I think I am going to call it a night... So before I go to bed I want to post this! It make me laugh! This was my horoscope for today... (I don’t believe in these things but it was funny!)

You can express yourself much more clearly -- and creatively -- through writing today, so it's a good time for blogging, poetry, email and anything else that involves words on paper or screen.

Moving rocks

(the last old one for today)

Have you ever tried to beat the impossible?

Wanted to make it work so bad?

Pushed a rock face because you wanted to move it.

Because you thought you could.

Because it would be better like that!

You can’t!

You push

You push

You push

It taunts you

It is not moving!

You fall to your knees

Tired

Warn

Done!

You look up at the rock...

It is still there

It won!

Glass heart

(over time I will add some stuff I wrote in the past)

I protect my heart knowing it can shatter

Bubble wrap it so it is safe

It is made from original fine glass

It is reveled to few people

Even fewer get to touch it

I slowly unwrap it

I reveal my heart to you

Piece at a time, slowly, slowly

Until it is striped of its protection

I let you touch it

I slowly give it to you to hold

Only for a second

Next time for two

Until I trust you with it

You see my heart is cracked

Poor repair jobs hold it together

I wince when you stroke it

You do not need to ask why

You know that I have hurt

People have broken my heart

I glue it back together

I appear to the world to be fine

But you can see that it is still hurt

I surrender my heart to you

Only you can repair it

The repair process hurts

But better when done correctly

You prepare my heart

So that I can give it to someone

Someone who will respect it

Someone who will give it back to you

Child

She sat alone at a small wooden table in a open common room filled with a few people who’s murmur could not be heard over her thoughts. The room was lined with large bay windows that looked out on the black cold night. She sat there mulling over thoughts that turned through her mind and penetrated through her heart. Glancing out the window the girl watched the tear blurred lights of cars who raced by. Her mind and heart were at war. All she could do was stand and watch while her heart had been beaten and her mind had lost. There was nothing left but the cold cry of pain. Nothing... Nothing... It was all gone... The cry faded like wind leaving through a old house and then silence.

Everything stood still in that moment. A warmth slowly crept from her her toes the the deepest part of her being. She felt a the warmth of a hand closing her eyes to wipe the tears away. A sweet voice spoke softly in to her ear: “Child I love you. Let go. Let me take all your burdens. I will take them and carry them for you. Let me mend you heart and make it new and whole again. My child trust me for I know your plans for good and a future of hope. Let me be your guild; allow me to lead you down the straight path. I love you... I love you... I love you..."

My First Blog

So I am not going to write to much now, but I wanted to start a blog to kind of write some stuff down for me and for whomever else wants to read it. It is kind of late now and I want to go to bed. Before then I want to explain my title of my blog. I didn’t know what to name it so I figured I would go through my names of my songs on my itunes and see if there was a title I liked. “A Little More” by skillet came up. It is a great song and I think it is SO fitting! I am going to leave you with the lyrics:

Love is all around you now

So take a hold

Hidden in our words

It sometimes ain't enough

Don't suffocate day after day

It's building up

Cause when you're feeling weak

You know I'm strong enough

Just one more day

One more day

Oh, let the world crash

Love can take it

Oh, let the world come crashing down

Oh, let the world crash

Love can take it

Love can take a little

Love can give a little more

Love is indestructible

So take a hold

Sometimes hard to find

A reason good enough

I'll stand beside you

Never leave through it all

And faith will bring a way

To the impossible

Just one more day

One more day

Oh, let the world crash

Love can take it

Oh, let the world come crashing down

Oh, let the world crash

Love can take it

Love can take a little

Love can give a little more

You can find me

You can find me

You can find me anywhere

Take a look over your shoulder

I'll be standing there

Standing there

Love is all around you now

So take a hold

And faith will bring a way

To the impossible

Just one more day

One more day

Let the world crash

Love can take it

Oh, let the world come crashing down

Oh, let the world crash

Love can take it

Love can take a little

Love can take a little

Love can take a little

Love can give a little more

A little more

Take a little more

Take a little more